it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

I’m convinced that whoever coined the phrase “it was the best of times; it was the worst of times” was referring to their first year as a Christian.  Overall 2010 was an incredible year for me.  It’s difficult for me to even try to explain my spiritual journey over these past 12 months, but this phrase sums it up pretty well.

It was the best of times.

As a new follower of Christ, I have had many indescribable experiences.  God has changed my heart, my mind, my attitude, and I am so thankful.  I see the world differently.  God has ripped the scales off my eyes.  I remember in 8^th grade when I first got glasses.  I walked outside of Pearl Vision and was amazed by how clearly I could see.  I had never before realized that I was supposed to be able to see individual leaves on trees.  It was like I was seeing things for the first time.  This is how my new life in Christ has been – like I’ve received a new pair glasses.  This is how I experience the awesome power of God.  I look at God’s creation and see Him in everything and in everyone.  My senses are heightened, but to something greater and more powerful than this “reality” on earth.  He is with me and He has given me new eyes to see the world.

It was the worst of times.

For anyone new to following Christ, there is definitely fallout.  First of all, people think you are crazy, you’re “spooky spiritual,” or a “crazy evangelical.” (what I used to call “those” people… before I became one!)  It puts a strain on your relationships.  I think it was most difficult on my family.  My family is religious and I grew up in church – every single Sunday until I went to college.  But I NEVER had a relationship with Christ.  I knew about Him – I just chose not to follow Him.  I would pray every now and then when I was struggling with something, but I never experienced God the way I do now.  I think my family was a bit confused when I came to Christ last year.  They had always assumed that I was Christian – and maybe I was – but I definitely was not living it out.  When I started changing as a result of my new life in Christ, I think it scared them.  They thought I was fine just the way I was.  And to be honest, I was.  I was fine.  I had a good life.  But as my pastor said today, “good is the enemy of best.”  God has so much more for me.  I could have continued living a good life.  But why settle for good?  I want the best.  I want all God has for me.  I want to live the life that God has destined for me. 

Not only is there fallout with relationships, but growing in Christ can be painful.  He shows you a lot about you that you don’t really want to see.  God challenges you daily to become more like Him.  He reveals to you who you are now so you can become who he created you to be.  God completely broke me down over this past year.  You can’t build a house on sand; a strong foundation is needed.  In 2010, God worked with me, stretched me, and challenged me so that I could have a strong foundation in which to build my new life.  He’s delivered me from selfishness, control, jealousy, pride, defensiveness, negativity, anxiety, perfectionism, pleasing people… just to name a few.  He has changed so much and I know there is much more.  It’s not an easy process (and it’s never really complete).  It’s actually quite painful to know that I was once all of those things listed.  But it’s encouraging as well knowing that nothing is impossible with His guidance.

I’ve been freed from a lot and I’ve experienced triumphant victories, but at a cost.  It has cost me my life.  It cost me who I was, but not who I am.  I’m growing into the person God has created me to be.  And it’s totally worth the fallout.